Friday Five

Started by Sarah at this address http://lovesje.blogspot.com/ I had to do the Friday Five.

I love
1. A clean house
2. Having friends over
3. That school lasted hour longer than supposed to because my kids didn't want "Bible Time" to end and kept looking up scripture to read.
4. God allows you to minister to others through your hardships.
5. That my husband has a heart for the lost and is always looking for an opportunity to share about God.
6. Homemade butterfinger ice cream. YUMMY!
Okay that was 6 but I could go on and on. What do you love today.

Cooking for month

Okay so today I started something new. Cooking for a whole month. I actually only got breakfast done. It took about 5 hours total and I am going to try to do supper tomorrow. I am hoping this will keep me on track to healthy meals for my family and freeing up some time for freeze tag in the afternoons. If you have tried this i would love to hear your thoughts or get a recipe.

Father's Day a little late

I know Father's day was a few weeks ago. But how do you write it down. I dreaded the day for weeks. I knew I had a make a fun day for the kids and honor Troy but I just wanted to crawl in the bed and cry. I wanted to lean on my dad and have him rub my head while we watched the yankees play. I wanted to hear his voice one more time. Another first....first Father's day without my daddy. It's real. He is gone. The house is sold and a sweet, young couple live there now. The cherry tree was chopped down. Things have changed. The estate is settled, nothing left but the memories. I still am all over the place. Mad at him one day, sad the next and some days I don't even remember. I still have a ways to go before things are settled in my heart. Missing him. Changes going on in my life. I need my encourager. The one who always cheered for me. Who gave me that "atta girl" when I felt like life was too hard. Could really use one of those now Daddy.

I love...

Okay, so a dear friends daughter has started a new blog and I love it. It is just about the things she loves. You should check it out http://lovesje.blogspot.com. I am going to steal the idea for today and post somethings I love.

I love...
1. Long weekends
2. Friday night movie night
3. yardsales
4. Fresh produce
5. Chai tea latte
6. Grilling out
7. Cleaning out, simplifying, and organizing
8. A bargain
9. Friends who encourage me to be a better me
10. Playing board games with my kids
Wow Sarah, this could get addictive.
Thanks for the idea.

Mother's day

What a great day. My kids had sweet gifts that they had made or picked out at the dollar tree. The had a sweet card. This the first year I have gotten a card where all three were able to write in it and you could read it. Then the best part of the day was Sunday night at church. We had a Sunday night sing where Mom's and there kids sang. I was able to sing with all my kids. It was so fun. They all had there own microphone(which was very grown-up) and Sophie kept the dancing to a minimum. It was very special to be able to lead worship with my children. They did great.
I hope everyone had a special and fun Mother's Day.

Control Freak

I admit I am a control freak. I like to play things safe. I like my calendar planned out. I like to know what the future holds. I don't like surprises, especially ones that alter my plan. I am constantly reading on how to be a better wife, mother, homeschooler and housekeeper mainly to be in control of those situations. What I had not realized was by being in control, keeping things nice and tidy in my world that I was completely leaving God out of life. By having my hands in things I was not trusting and living out my faith. While I was growing and flourishing in other areas of my walk with the Lord I had turned a blind eye to this one area and it was quickly growing like a weed and choking the "fruit" that was growing. Needless to say God gets our attention one way or the other. I am positive I have heard the small voice saying I got this. Trust in me but I was too busy planning to listen. So today I am laying it all at his feet. I am letting go with both hands instead of prying one finger off at a time. I am thinking of only today. I am trusting Him who holds tomorrow and I am enjoying the blessing of today.

The last time

As we stroll down the driveway to get the mail, as we chat about baseball he takes my hand. And I wonder if this will be the last time. I savor the feel of his not so little hand in mine. He wants so much to be big and grown up. The are so many things that are happening with him for the last time and I don't even realize it. You can't plan for these things, they just happen. I see his mind and body changing and sometimes I see small glimpses of the man he will be and it makes me give his hand a little squeeze. He looks up at me and gives me that smile. The one I know is reserved just for me. I try hard to imprint this moment in my mind for times when today is just a memory.

Punching Bag

So, of course when I say out loud that I am living a new perspective, that I am living a life of thankfulness and when I say that I refuse to let complaints or discontent enter into my thoughts I get sucker punched. In fact, I have felt like the enemy is using my as a punching bag. I have struggled with my reaction, was it in faith, was it Godly. And as I started to punch myself a dear friend reminded me that Jesus had emotions, God gave us emotions. I just can't allow myself to be ruled by those emotions or let myself stay there too long. What freedom!!!
Today, as I absorbed yet another blow, as angry, frustrated tears ran down my face I knew my Creator was absorbing the blow too. He was feeling my hurt. As, I was rambling on to God about all this I felt Him gently tug me and saying lay back against me and breathe. I hold your every moment. Let me calm this raging sea. I will walk with you and carry you when you can't go on. As, I felt His gentle whisper I felt the light start to burn as I started to repeat. I trust in you. The burden feels lighter. I will trust in you. The tears stop. Nothing is impossible for you. A smile touches my eyes. So, if I need to continue to be a punching bag I will because I will trust and obey and know He is in control of the outcome.

Success

How do you measure the success of a day? Is it that you got all your boxes checked on your to-do list? Or maybe its that you completed a day without screaming at your kids. Or even that you didn't go through the drive-thru but planned ahead and got a decent meal on the table. For me that is how I measured success for a long time. I grew up in a very performance driven household. You were as good as what you did. The more things you did and finished(even if you didn't enjoy it) the more of value you were. Over the last year God has been stirring in my heart. Changing my perspective. The only worth I have is that I am His. Not any committee I serve on or a Southern Living worthy home. I am finding contentment in the lego covered floor and the pile of shoes by the door. I now look at the piles of dirty laundry and think of the fun that was had getting them dirty. I think of the proud face holding a frog as his pants are dripping on the kitchen floor because he jumped in the creek to get it. I find myself smiling at the puddle on the floor and reach over to scratch his head a we mop up the mess together. I am much less likely to use the phrase "in just a minute". There is a gentle tugging when there is excitement in their voices to run and see, even if the vaccum is still in the hallway a few hours later. I am changing, my perspective is different and I am so thankful. I would truly be missing out. So, if you were to ask me if I had a successful day I would think back...Let's see yesterday we dropped everything and loaded up the bikes to enjoy the 60 degree weather and go the park. Stopped at Feeney's for a snack. Ran an errand.
Today, as predicted, the rain is here. We have slept in , stayed in our pjs, watched a science movie, made a craft, put away winter clothes and played a few games. I have had numerous hugs and kisses and lots of I love you mom. Is my list checked off, no, but all the important things were done. So, I would say it has been a very successful two days.

New song that helped. The static is lessening. Resting in His Arms. I will make it through.

Static

Yes, I have been struggling. Is it okay to say that in this world where no one really wants to know the heart of another? When we are so busy that the perfunctory "How are you" is just a habit and not a craving for the knowledge of another persons hurts, difficulties, and joy. When you respond any other way than "fine" you get raised eyebrows. Well, raise your eyebrows. I am not fine. I am really struggling. I have seen God's hand working in so many ways. He has comforted me and loved me through some hard days. I know He will continue, but I have lately I have felt like I am listening to a great song on the radio that is not coming in too good. You know you can hear the music and the words but there is so much static that it is hard to concentrate on the song. That's how I feel. The static in my life is distracting me, it is keeping my focus off of God and His goodness. I see it,I recognize it but I am not sure how to get rid of the static. So, I am struggling. I want to live this life to the fullest. To embrace every moment as the gift it is but then I hear the static. I want to run away from it all and just have quiet, but that is not practical. In fact, the scream that just came from downstairs is telling me that there will be no quiet any time soon.:) Lord, I need you to show me how to get rid of the static.

The faith of a child.

Okay so today was a normal day. School was planned and ready to go. I never thought that my lesson on flowers would end up with a sex education class. We were talking about the flower parts and the stamen and the pistel. How you have to have that to have seeds....Then my oldest says, so how does that work anyway? I said well...(I am still thinking he is talking about flowers). Then he said no, not the flowers but with you and Daddy. Let's just say I postponed the talk for a few hours and spent quiet hour studying up on a few books and praying. Did not expect this today but I am very thankful I had the opportunity to talk to him. God was very gracious and gave me the right words. He asked a lot of questions and left happy with the explanations I gave him. Honestly, I am not sure what I was so worried about. It was easy to talk to him about the beautiful gift God gives to husband and wives. It made me realize how warped our culture has made this gift but to my big boy it was all very simply God's plan. The faith of a child.
Thank you God.

The little things.

I have just finished reading this book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp over at http://www.aholyexperience.com. This is one of those life-changing books. Thank you Lord for this book and the work I see you doing in my heart through it. Lord, thank you that I didn't miss what happened in Ethan's game on Saturday. What may have seemed insignificant was truly from You. How else can you explain a grown woman jumping up and down with tears streaming down her face because a basket was scored. Not because the game was won but because I watched a Godly man not care about the score but about the hearts of the players. I watched as a whole team rallied around "the least of these" to help him get a basket. They spent 2 quarters of the game getting the ball to the this little bit of a boy who can't even get the ball to the rim in hopes he would score. Each player watched for an opportunity for him to be open and would get him the ball. Shot after shot. Not even close. Then it looked like the whole team made a wall for him and the other team even backed off. Up, goes the ball and swish. The delight and joy on this little boys face and the parents,they were beyond proud. No one wants their kid to be the only one without a basket the entire season. Troy and I had been praying that each player would score this season. Not only did he answered but every player scored in the last game of the season and they won by two points. God is good and I have no doubt He cares about the little things. Go Dragons!

A funny

Okay so this morning we were getting ready for church. Caden came into the bathroom and very proudly was holding out six cents, "Look what Sophie gave me mommy." I responded, "wow that was very kind of her." Fast forward 10 minutes as we are walking out the door. "Sophie did you feed the cats?" Sophie says, " No, but I took care of it. I gave Caden lots of cents to do it for me." That girl is a mess.

Things Realized

I have had a lot going on in my head lately and I have come to realize a few things, some are new revelations and some are old things I have been reminded of.

1. The desert isn't always a bad place. Look at the Israelites they were led and feed by God for 40 years.

2. The mountain top experience is always worth the climb.

3. When on the mountain top be careful not to look down at people still climbing.

4. God's timing is always right on time.

5. Just because an experience isn't a good one doesn't mean it is not a God one.

6. Although Christian books are great, nothing should replace my Bible.

7. The Bigger and harder it gets to hold my babies the more I want to.

8. Reading great books, looking for worms and making cookies for the neighbors IS home schooling.

9. I do not have to live in Mommy guilt because I missed the boat on something. I just need to catch the boat.

10. A nice chai latte can soothe the savage beast.

11. Peeing in my pants while chasing my kids and jumping on the trampoline are inevitable but worth it.

12. My knees are not nearly calloused enough.

13. Living a life of thanksgiving truly changes your perspective.

14. Surrounding yourself with people that live a life of thanksgiving makes all the difference.

15. I can't do it all myself.

16. It is okay to trash everything and start over.

17. The Mommy "hat" is the hardest, most rewarding and most forgiving hat I wear.

and last but certainly not least God is so good.

Refusing

Today I am refusing to loose my joy. Refusing to let the negative seep in. Refusing to forget all I have to be thankful for. Refusing to let bad attitudes change my perspective. Refusing to let circumstances change my outlook. Refusing to forget that the God of the universe is in control. Refusing to let the thief come to steal, kill and destroy. Refusing to forget Whose I am and what that makes me. Today I am refusing, I am stomping my foot and saying NO. I am lifting my face to the One and letting His light warm me and fill me up.

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

Fear

I cannot believe January is over. It literally was a blur, but all the work is done and we actually had people look at Dad's on Saturday.
I was away. We have a gracious couple who have a beach house they let us stay in. Troy and I had planned to go away for the weekend but with being away so much in January I couldn't leave the kids again. Our friend encouraged us to go anyway and we did. Took the kids and had some great quality family time. It was much needed by everyone. We spent 4 days in fantasy land. A break from everything. It was great but as we started to pack I found myself frozen in fear. Fear that I will still be tired. Fear that I still don't have enough emotional reserve to meet the needs of those around me. Fear that I will not be my best for my family. Fear that the peace of decisions that have been made recently will fade in the reality of sacrifice. Fear that I am not going to be able to find a rhythm in a new routine. Fear that I am not going to be able to put feet to the things God has been speaking to my heart. But then I feel the light seeping in. I see clearly that the enemy is feeding me lies and wants nothing more for me to stay frozen in that fear. I hear in quiet places, "Fear is not from me." And one of my favorite verses becomes an inferno in my heart. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. On my own I can stay in this fear but I have God's spirit of power, love and sound mind. I can do this with Him. He will be my source of strength, I have no reason to be afraid.
So, now as we unpack the suitcases, I lay out tomorrows assignments and I start the laundry. I still fill overwhelmed and anxious but also excited, renewed and trusting God. I am sure tomorrow will come with bumps and bruises. I am certain I will get frustrated and tired but I am also positive that God will be with me every step of the way and when you have a companion like that how can you not smile.

Little Funnies

Sophie has had a day where she has been pushing the limits. Come to think of it she is like that most days. By 7:30 tonight my patience was at an all time low. So, she was supposed to be brushing her teeth but of course she was bouncing on the exercise ball.(not sure what that thing is for) as I proceeded to discipline her for her disobedience I reminded her that she needed to do the things the first time I told her too. As she walks in the bathroom I her this mumbling and I catch her saying in a sarcastic voice. Well Boo Who to you and then a noise that sounded suspiciously like she was sticking out her tongue at the "door". Well at least she has no problem voicing her frustrations.

Ethan and Caden watched a special on NGW(National Geographic Wild) about salmon we watched the spawning process and the male is shaking his tail viciously after the female laid her eggs and Ethan said so is that how you and Daddy made me. I almost fell in the floor.

Did not want to forget these things today.

Almost done

When I married Troy, I not only got the best man in the world, but the best in-laws. They are not perfect, we don't always see eye to eye, but you will never find more giving, caring people. For example, my father-in-law, Jack. When you first meet him he comes across as quiet and shy. He is but he is also funny, loves to pick, and very sneaky. Yesterday, he offered up his day to come help Troy and I paint at Dad's. He was cracking me up. My middle monkey, reminds me a lot of him. He is the quiet one that you need to watch out for. Sometimes it is hard for me with him because he is the same age as my dad. They went to school together. Seeing Jack healthy and Dad looking so much older is hard. Jack has always been there for us. He is a rock. I love him dearly and can never thank him enough for the hugs that last just a little bit longer because although no words are said he knows I need one from a daddy. Thanks Papa for all your help.

We painted and worked at Dad's until 5am this morning. We are almost done and have potentials coming to check it out this week. I am looking forward to a relaxing week. Praying for lots of snow. I need a snuggle day with my kids and hubby with some good Hallmark movies and a good book.

Thankful

A day where I didn't have to leave before my kids were up.
A day where we were all sleeping under the same roof.
A morning where my early bird climbed in the bed with me and went back to sleep.
A morning where there were no phone calls.
A morning everyone slept in.
A day of reading and snuggling.
A day I was able to cook for my children.
A day where there was no checklist to complete.
A day where I didn't have to go anywhere.
A day school was quick and easy.
An afternoon of swinging.
An after lunch bike ride.
Popsicle stained faces.
Trampoline wrestling.
Watching my kids enjoy each other as I enjoy a hot cup of joe.
Listen to there laughter as I type on the computer.
Smothering there sweet faces with kisses.
Fixing their favorite supper.
My mom who likes to help whenever I need it.
An opportunity to go away for the weekend when all the other stuff is done.
My sweet sister-in-law who embraces 40.
New Chai tea recipe
Leaves on the kitchen floor.
Singing a new song
Days where the normal is a welcome change and a reminder to count all the little things as big blessings.

The house that built me

If you listen to country music you may have heard the Miranda Lambert song The House that Built Me. Today was kind of like that. I was alone in Surry County waiting for the carpet guys to finish at Dad's. All the paperwork is done. Two more "chores" and then the waiting game. I was driving to my sister's to pick up Sophie and, as I always do, I passed the road that I grew up on. It occurs to me now that I rarely register that road, but today I couldn't not go. Noticable changes the road is now paved instead of dirt, two homes are old and condemed, the trailor below us was gone and the garden is now grass. But the same RR track that my brother and I would race to on our bikes as soon as we heard the whistle in the distance to see if we could smash a quarter or wave to the conductor. The same house. I could see my dad with one leg propped up on the brick under the carport, always the left one, with a cigarette in hand on a fall afternoon listening to the dogs chase a rabbit as he taught me how to distinguish the dog by the bark. I could see him on the red lawn mower in high speed mowing the grass. I remembered him teaching us how to skin a rabbit. I remember the summer he caught a baby raccon and it almost bit his finger off. I saw my handprints in the concrete where we put in a basketball goal. The wood stove was burning and I saw the many loads of wood that I threw to my brother as he and dad stacked them. I saw the place where the beegums stood and could imagine him in his white suit with the smoker in his hand. The batting cage area was grown up but I could see it clearly. I never understood why he put that thing in we always enjoyed Sunday afternoon trips to the batting cage better anyway. Listening to oldies but goodies. I could clearly see the Phyliss Deeler chickens and I could hear him roll out the windows and say "hilda hush that racket" because the dogs were barking at something in the woods. As I turned my car around and was leaving I remembered riding in the middle of the old red truck, I was always in the middle because it was closest to Daddy, and he would let me steer on our road. Today I refused to think bad things. Today I missed my Daddy. Ever time I pull into his driveway it is like pulling the scab off a wound and pouring salt in it. Monday was the hardest because his truck is gone. With every visit to his house it like losing a little piece of him. His kitchen is clean, his cabinets and closets cleaned out. The furniture is gone. New carpet and flooring in the bathroom. Everything is labeled trash, goodwill, sell or Jeremy. I want to be done and yet I don't ever want to leave.
Sigh!!
One thing for sure in this whole journey God's hand has been apparent. I have seen him work out all the details, the timing, the workers, the finances. Today, God did another amazing thing.
I went to the bank to get money for the workers and the lady opened Dad's account and when she was done, she looked up and said, "I knew your dad. He was such a nice man. Always with a smile. She shared a story that when the bank first opened up, the first day my dad came in with biscuits and fresh honey for all the tellers." He shared about his bees and when she shared in interest in wanting bees of her own he brought her a catalog to help her with information on how to get started. God keeps putting people in my path to tell these great stories about my dad. I am so thankful.
God cares about every detail of our life. He loves to listen to us and comfort us. He loves to strengthen us and give us peace in times that are unbearable. He is an awesome God.

Dear Brother, God is even working out the fact that you have not been able to be here yet. I am okay. The "business" stuff is what I am good at. Your tender heart didn't need this. I love you.
Sis

Let it snow!

Honestly, I don't mind. It really doesn't change a lot about our schedule. Sophie is home, which I love. We continue doing school on a snow-type schedule. (Sled, math, sled, read, sled well you get the picture.) My hubby gets to stay home and enjoy the fire with us. So, I love the snow and welcome more. My kids got creative this morning and put on a puppet show. Remember our cave paintings, well they cut holes in the top of the cave and stuck the puppets out the top. They covered the entrance with a blanket and Wa La(not a word I don't think) we had an instant puppet stage. It was funny and cute and was a balm to my soul.
I have been contemplating at lot about how I should feel about Daddy. Of course, I am sad but I don't feel stuck. There are times when a memory comes over me and I smile and it is bittersweet but I am okay. There has been guilt with being okay. Sunday night Matt spoke about Moses and how the Israelites mourned him for 30 days and that was a long time. The normal was 7 days. I don't know much about the context other that what I was told but I felt like that was for me. It made me feel good. 7 days and life had to move on. It helped relieve the guilt.
Things with Dad's estate are moving right along. The for sale is in the yard. I have all the paperwork I need to do the necessary things. It is going smoothly. I have people coming to buy stuff and pick up stuff. It is going just like he would have wanted quickly and easily. That is what he wanted for us. The good memories are coming more and more. The image of the alcohol destroyed man is getting less and less and the image of the funny, smiling man who was always a cut up is getting brighter and sharper again. The one who could rub my head,even when I had spent 30 minutes getting it super big and it didn't matter. The one who could give me a shoulder hug with a gentle head butt and all was right with the world. This is the man I am starting to remember and that is a welcome change.

Homeschool

Okay, so you can imagine that right now I would like to pull my hair out and give up on the whole homeschool thing but I won't. Right now I have a lot on my plate then to add school. It is a little overwhelming. But God is faithful. In November I decided that what we were doing with school was not working. I did not have the time to plan and execute my own curriculum so we started over with a new program called Winters Promise. It is laid out for me step by step what to do. God knew that I would need this with handling Dad's estate and Mom getting ready to have surgery even though I had no idea what was coming. Isn't it amazing how he prepares the way when we have no idea what the future holds. Thank God He does and today I am thankful I put aside my pride and the thoughts of wasted money and did what he said. So, our studies are Hideaways in history. WE are doing a overview of world history and we make " hideaways". So, we started today with the first one. We are talking about the first forms of writings and cave paintings. Here is our cave with my boys "painting". Pretty cool.


Just one day at a time. Doing the next thing. Not just surviving today.