Fear

I cannot believe January is over. It literally was a blur, but all the work is done and we actually had people look at Dad's on Saturday.
I was away. We have a gracious couple who have a beach house they let us stay in. Troy and I had planned to go away for the weekend but with being away so much in January I couldn't leave the kids again. Our friend encouraged us to go anyway and we did. Took the kids and had some great quality family time. It was much needed by everyone. We spent 4 days in fantasy land. A break from everything. It was great but as we started to pack I found myself frozen in fear. Fear that I will still be tired. Fear that I still don't have enough emotional reserve to meet the needs of those around me. Fear that I will not be my best for my family. Fear that the peace of decisions that have been made recently will fade in the reality of sacrifice. Fear that I am not going to be able to find a rhythm in a new routine. Fear that I am not going to be able to put feet to the things God has been speaking to my heart. But then I feel the light seeping in. I see clearly that the enemy is feeding me lies and wants nothing more for me to stay frozen in that fear. I hear in quiet places, "Fear is not from me." And one of my favorite verses becomes an inferno in my heart. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. On my own I can stay in this fear but I have God's spirit of power, love and sound mind. I can do this with Him. He will be my source of strength, I have no reason to be afraid.
So, now as we unpack the suitcases, I lay out tomorrows assignments and I start the laundry. I still fill overwhelmed and anxious but also excited, renewed and trusting God. I am sure tomorrow will come with bumps and bruises. I am certain I will get frustrated and tired but I am also positive that God will be with me every step of the way and when you have a companion like that how can you not smile.