Honestly, I don't mind. It really doesn't change a lot about our schedule. Sophie is home, which I love. We continue doing school on a snow-type schedule. (Sled, math, sled, read, sled well you get the picture.) My hubby gets to stay home and enjoy the fire with us. So, I love the snow and welcome more. My kids got creative this morning and put on a puppet show. Remember our cave paintings, well they cut holes in the top of the cave and stuck the puppets out the top. They covered the entrance with a blanket and Wa La(not a word I don't think) we had an instant puppet stage. It was funny and cute and was a balm to my soul.
I have been contemplating at lot about how I should feel about Daddy. Of course, I am sad but I don't feel stuck. There are times when a memory comes over me and I smile and it is bittersweet but I am okay. There has been guilt with being okay. Sunday night Matt spoke about Moses and how the Israelites mourned him for 30 days and that was a long time. The normal was 7 days. I don't know much about the context other that what I was told but I felt like that was for me. It made me feel good. 7 days and life had to move on. It helped relieve the guilt.
Things with Dad's estate are moving right along. The for sale is in the yard. I have all the paperwork I need to do the necessary things. It is going smoothly. I have people coming to buy stuff and pick up stuff. It is going just like he would have wanted quickly and easily. That is what he wanted for us. The good memories are coming more and more. The image of the alcohol destroyed man is getting less and less and the image of the funny, smiling man who was always a cut up is getting brighter and sharper again. The one who could rub my head,even when I had spent 30 minutes getting it super big and it didn't matter. The one who could give me a shoulder hug with a gentle head butt and all was right with the world. This is the man I am starting to remember and that is a welcome change.
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