Grieving

How do you grieve someone you have had little to no contact with in almost 4 years. How do you grieve for someone that has emotionally and physically pushed you away? How do you miss someone at Christmas that you haven't spent a Christmas with in 5 years? That is a question my brother and I have been trying to answer. We are sad but not a whole because not a lot has changed. We feel like there should be more to this grief but for the most part there is not. We wonder if we are grieving the right way when our lives take over and we aren't thinking about it all the time. I don't know the answer. I do know that as we sat around playing cards or opening presents it was easy to find the good memories about Daddy. To think of him before his disease took over his body. I can say for certain that this year when I thought of him it wasn't with sadness or I wonder but with happiness and thankfulness of many good times. So saying that Christmas was great. We had a beautiful white Christmas celebrating with family for the weekend. It was great.