Trying to find normal

It just doesn't seem right to get up and to go back to life. Checking off my list of things to do. Buying Christmas presents, wrapping, baking cookies. I don't want to do these things but you have to. Not saying I shouldn't take time to grieve, but life is in the middle of that and I don't want it to be. I want everything to stop until I am ready to move on. But it doesn't. People ask me at the grocery store how you are doing and I want to say "rotten" but I don't . I want to smack the lady in the car line for being so cheerful and ask her why she isn't sad too, but she doesn't even know. How do I find normal again? Without Monday morning chats or Wednesday night talks about who got voted off Survivor. How do I live life without him? Asking him about cooking chicken stew for a crowd or where I can find sweet potatoes in bulk. How? Well, today I took a shower and got dressed. That's about as far as I could get for a few hours. Then, I made the kids a dentist appointment. My list has grown eyes and is staring at me but I just can't seem to go any further. So, I find myself here again trying to figure it out. What does normal look like now? I have no idea.