Mother's day

What a great day. My kids had sweet gifts that they had made or picked out at the dollar tree. The had a sweet card. This the first year I have gotten a card where all three were able to write in it and you could read it. Then the best part of the day was Sunday night at church. We had a Sunday night sing where Mom's and there kids sang. I was able to sing with all my kids. It was so fun. They all had there own microphone(which was very grown-up) and Sophie kept the dancing to a minimum. It was very special to be able to lead worship with my children. They did great.
I hope everyone had a special and fun Mother's Day.

Control Freak

I admit I am a control freak. I like to play things safe. I like my calendar planned out. I like to know what the future holds. I don't like surprises, especially ones that alter my plan. I am constantly reading on how to be a better wife, mother, homeschooler and housekeeper mainly to be in control of those situations. What I had not realized was by being in control, keeping things nice and tidy in my world that I was completely leaving God out of life. By having my hands in things I was not trusting and living out my faith. While I was growing and flourishing in other areas of my walk with the Lord I had turned a blind eye to this one area and it was quickly growing like a weed and choking the "fruit" that was growing. Needless to say God gets our attention one way or the other. I am positive I have heard the small voice saying I got this. Trust in me but I was too busy planning to listen. So today I am laying it all at his feet. I am letting go with both hands instead of prying one finger off at a time. I am thinking of only today. I am trusting Him who holds tomorrow and I am enjoying the blessing of today.

The last time

As we stroll down the driveway to get the mail, as we chat about baseball he takes my hand. And I wonder if this will be the last time. I savor the feel of his not so little hand in mine. He wants so much to be big and grown up. The are so many things that are happening with him for the last time and I don't even realize it. You can't plan for these things, they just happen. I see his mind and body changing and sometimes I see small glimpses of the man he will be and it makes me give his hand a little squeeze. He looks up at me and gives me that smile. The one I know is reserved just for me. I try hard to imprint this moment in my mind for times when today is just a memory.

Punching Bag

So, of course when I say out loud that I am living a new perspective, that I am living a life of thankfulness and when I say that I refuse to let complaints or discontent enter into my thoughts I get sucker punched. In fact, I have felt like the enemy is using my as a punching bag. I have struggled with my reaction, was it in faith, was it Godly. And as I started to punch myself a dear friend reminded me that Jesus had emotions, God gave us emotions. I just can't allow myself to be ruled by those emotions or let myself stay there too long. What freedom!!!
Today, as I absorbed yet another blow, as angry, frustrated tears ran down my face I knew my Creator was absorbing the blow too. He was feeling my hurt. As, I was rambling on to God about all this I felt Him gently tug me and saying lay back against me and breathe. I hold your every moment. Let me calm this raging sea. I will walk with you and carry you when you can't go on. As, I felt His gentle whisper I felt the light start to burn as I started to repeat. I trust in you. The burden feels lighter. I will trust in you. The tears stop. Nothing is impossible for you. A smile touches my eyes. So, if I need to continue to be a punching bag I will because I will trust and obey and know He is in control of the outcome.

Success

How do you measure the success of a day? Is it that you got all your boxes checked on your to-do list? Or maybe its that you completed a day without screaming at your kids. Or even that you didn't go through the drive-thru but planned ahead and got a decent meal on the table. For me that is how I measured success for a long time. I grew up in a very performance driven household. You were as good as what you did. The more things you did and finished(even if you didn't enjoy it) the more of value you were. Over the last year God has been stirring in my heart. Changing my perspective. The only worth I have is that I am His. Not any committee I serve on or a Southern Living worthy home. I am finding contentment in the lego covered floor and the pile of shoes by the door. I now look at the piles of dirty laundry and think of the fun that was had getting them dirty. I think of the proud face holding a frog as his pants are dripping on the kitchen floor because he jumped in the creek to get it. I find myself smiling at the puddle on the floor and reach over to scratch his head a we mop up the mess together. I am much less likely to use the phrase "in just a minute". There is a gentle tugging when there is excitement in their voices to run and see, even if the vaccum is still in the hallway a few hours later. I am changing, my perspective is different and I am so thankful. I would truly be missing out. So, if you were to ask me if I had a successful day I would think back...Let's see yesterday we dropped everything and loaded up the bikes to enjoy the 60 degree weather and go the park. Stopped at Feeney's for a snack. Ran an errand.
Today, as predicted, the rain is here. We have slept in , stayed in our pjs, watched a science movie, made a craft, put away winter clothes and played a few games. I have had numerous hugs and kisses and lots of I love you mom. Is my list checked off, no, but all the important things were done. So, I would say it has been a very successful two days.

New song that helped. The static is lessening. Resting in His Arms. I will make it through.

Static

Yes, I have been struggling. Is it okay to say that in this world where no one really wants to know the heart of another? When we are so busy that the perfunctory "How are you" is just a habit and not a craving for the knowledge of another persons hurts, difficulties, and joy. When you respond any other way than "fine" you get raised eyebrows. Well, raise your eyebrows. I am not fine. I am really struggling. I have seen God's hand working in so many ways. He has comforted me and loved me through some hard days. I know He will continue, but I have lately I have felt like I am listening to a great song on the radio that is not coming in too good. You know you can hear the music and the words but there is so much static that it is hard to concentrate on the song. That's how I feel. The static in my life is distracting me, it is keeping my focus off of God and His goodness. I see it,I recognize it but I am not sure how to get rid of the static. So, I am struggling. I want to live this life to the fullest. To embrace every moment as the gift it is but then I hear the static. I want to run away from it all and just have quiet, but that is not practical. In fact, the scream that just came from downstairs is telling me that there will be no quiet any time soon.:) Lord, I need you to show me how to get rid of the static.